Tag: Grace

About The Author…

It’s official, guys; I’m taking a break. This decision has been a long time coming, and I’ve fought hard to avoid it, but I’m at the point where I can no longer ignore the issue. I need to rest. This week’s post is about how I came to this decision, the current state of my brain, and a note about how the break will affect the project. Let’s get into it.

abstract break broken broken glass
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I’ll start with my head. To say that I’m frazzled is an understatement. Frustration, exhaustion, and stress have become integral to my mindset, paired with the desire to do better and produce more. I feel overwhelmed by editing and the possible need for a new rewrite.  With many valid criticisms leveled at my work, I’ve sought to address them, but in that, I’ve lost sight of my story. My reason for writing this story has shifted, and the foundation is changing, but I’ve been resisting that. I’ve been holding on to everything I’ve done so far, but have become slightly irrational in the process. It feels like there are too many voices (many of which are my own) all clamoring for attention and I can’t focus on anything anymore. It’s too much, and I need to stop.

I’ve talked a lot about rest in my recent posts, but I haven’t done it. I avoided it due to my fear of running out of time, but that isn’t the only reason. My project guidelines mandate a minimum of twenty hours worked per week. I have upheld this standard diligently, but, recently, I have been filling the time with things like writing classes, or working with my cover artist, rather than working on writing. I am fulfilling the time requirements, but no substantial work is getting done. I keep records of my time worked, and over the course of my project, I have accumulated forty-three hours and fifty-two minutes of overtime. That is enough work to justify two weeks off, and it is my goal to enjoy it.

orange and green pen on graphing notepad
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Taking time off, in this case, requires a giant leap away from the project. I will spend the week doing unrelated things and hopefully have a lot of fun. As a result, there won’t be a blog post next Friday. I am not entirely sure what will be happening the week after that, but I will most likely update you the following week about decisions made and where the project stands. For now, though, I am taking a break.

It’s been a long time coming, but in the end, I acknowledge that I need rest. This project has been mentally and emotionally taxing, and I am no longer operating at the standard that I want. I need to take time to get my head back together and think about nothing but trees and clouds for a while. That will help a lot.

alone bench person river
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Thank you for all of your endless encouragement and support. You make my journey better for your presence, and I am glad that I’ve been able to share it with you until

this point.

Project Status: The Vacation Starts Now.

tortoiseshell framed sunglasses
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Cliff’s Edge and Jumping Off?

Some days I feel like opportunity is a cliff, and I’m standing at the edge. I could jump off, and there’s a chance I could fly, but the fear of falling keeps my feet firmly planted. This week I had my mid-term assessment meeting, and it went well; their reactions were overwhelmingly positive, and the committee offered me a new opportunity for my project. Despite this chance, I have reservations. This week, I’ll be explaining the offer, its positive ramifications, and my hesitation, all through the lens of a metaphor.

low angle photo of person holding crystal ball
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To explain the metaphor, I need to describe what happened at the meeting. I presented  everything I’ve done so far in my project (you can read about that here), and I explained my worries about running out of time, considering the possibility of another rewrite, along with everything else I need to get done (editing, publishing, printing, marketing, interior layout, etc.). The committee offered me an opportunity: I could use the rest of this project term to finalize a draft of the book, and then take part in a second project, with the specific goal of publishing. This plan would give me between six and twelve additional months to get everything done and would reduce the amount of stress I am under, exponentially.

Here’s where the cliff comes in. This second project would allow me to get everything done and could open me up to experiencing even more aspects of the literary field. It would require effort, of course, but no more than what I would already be putting in in the smaller frame. Taking this chance and getting everything done would be like jumping off the cliff and flying: succeeding in my goal and achieving my dream. A failure to do so would be the equivalent of falling. Logically, doing two projects increases my likelihood to succeed, but I am hesitant. Thus, I remain on the cliff’s edge.

woman standing on mountain cliff
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Standing on the edge of this cliff and isn’t so much a reflection of how I perceive the future as it is how I understand the present. In my mind, not publishing the book in the original time frame would equal failure. It seems silly, given the fact that I am literally staring an extension in the face, but the idea of giving up on the original plan, feels like giving up on my dream; by admitting that I can’t do what I thought I could. It’s as if jumping off this second cliff is a reflection on my inability to fly. Maybe taking this chance is denying the hope that something would help me succeed in the original time and I am hesitant to give that up. I am not really sure.

Standing on this metaphoric cliff, I consider where I am, where I’ve come from, and whether or not to jump. I can see the benefits of flight, but the fear of letting go is equally engaging. Even with the second project on offer, I could still just push myself to get everything done and finish on time anyways, but I am not sure if I realistically can. If it does happen, it will be because of more than just me. Regardless of what I decide, I think, for now, I will simply enjoy the view. That’s good too.

woman sitting on rock
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Thank you all for your continuous support, interest, and encouragement. You make things better, and I am so glad you’re all here for the ride.

Project Status: The rewrites have restarted, and will potentially culminate in a new draft.

*Author’s note: Given the current state of my project, I may take a break from the blog to focus on writing. I’ll give you more information when I make the decision.*