Some days I feel like opportunity is a cliff, and I’m standing at the edge. I could jump off, and there’s a chance I could fly, but the fear of falling keeps my feet firmly planted. This week I had my mid-term assessment meeting, and it went well; their reactions were overwhelmingly positive, and the committee offered me a new opportunity for my project. Despite this chance, I have reservations. This week, I’ll be explaining the offer, its positive ramifications, and my hesitation, all through the lens of a metaphor.
To explain the metaphor, I need to describe what happened at the meeting. I presented everything I’ve done so far in my project (you can read about that here), and I explained my worries about running out of time, considering the possibility of another rewrite, along with everything else I need to get done (editing, publishing, printing, marketing, interior layout, etc.). The committee offered me an opportunity: I could use the rest of this project term to finalize a draft of the book, and then take part in a second project, with the specific goal of publishing. This plan would give me between six and twelve additional months to get everything done and would reduce the amount of stress I am under, exponentially.
Here’s where the cliff comes in. This second project would allow me to get everything done and could open me up to experiencing even more aspects of the literary field. It would require effort, of course, but no more than what I would already be putting in in the smaller frame. Taking this chance and getting everything done would be like jumping off the cliff and flying: succeeding in my goal and achieving my dream. A failure to do so would be the equivalent of falling. Logically, doing two projects increases my likelihood to succeed, but I am hesitant. Thus, I remain on the cliff’s edge.
Standing on the edge of this cliff and isn’t so much a reflection of how I perceive the future as it is how I understand the present. In my mind, not publishing the book in the original time frame would equal failure. It seems silly, given the fact that I am literally staring an extension in the face, but the idea of giving up on the original plan, feels like giving up on my dream; by admitting that I can’t do what I thought I could. It’s as if jumping off this second cliff is a reflection on my inability to fly. Maybe taking this chance is denying the hope that something would help me succeed in the original time and I am hesitant to give that up. I am not really sure.
Standing on this metaphoric cliff, I consider where I am, where I’ve come from, and whether or not to jump. I can see the benefits of flight, but the fear of letting go is equally engaging. Even with the second project on offer, I could still just push myself to get everything done and finish on time anyways, but I am not sure if I realistically can. If it does happen, it will be because of more than just me. Regardless of what I decide, I think, for now, I will simply enjoy the view. That’s good too.
Thank you all for your continuous support, interest, and encouragement. You make things better, and I am so glad you’re all here for the ride.
Project Status: The rewrites have restarted, and will potentially culminate in a new draft.
*Author’s note: Given the current state of my project, I may take a break from the blog to focus on writing. I’ll give you more information when I make the decision.*